


Brighter, and far more filled with love

by samariumwriting



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe, Developing Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Other minor characters - Freeform, Roommates, Spies, The Great Fodlan Bakeoff, fae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24647008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samariumwriting/pseuds/samariumwriting
Summary: Felix trained as a soldier for his realm, but found the lack of actual conflict dissatisfying. Being a spy was meant to be different, and far more exciting, but it also came with its own challenges - and rewards. Namely, Sylvain.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 14
Kudos: 48





	Brighter, and far more filled with love

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is written for the FE3H bakeoff challenge, which is @TGFodlanBakeoff on twitter! This means it was written to fit five themes (exploration, secret, ambition, devotion, gossip) in the space of 48 hours and...this is the result! I went a little buck wild, but I hope you enjoy :)

Felix woke for his four hundred and seventy sixth day of training to be a soldier in the midsummer. He woke at the same time as he’d done the day before, and the day before that. He ate the same thing for breakfast. He went to the same place and did the same drills and took the same route home. Did the same thing in the evening that he did every day.

But on day four hundred and seventy seven, he’d finally had enough. “I think I want to do something more,” he said at the breakfast table. His father looked up from the meal, the same as what he had every day.

“Why do you say that?” he asked, his brow slightly furrowed.

“When was the last war?” Felix asked. There hadn’t been one while Felix was training. Or one while he was at school. Or one when he was growing up.

“A long time ago,” his father admitted. “Why do you ask?”

“There’s no point training to be a soldier,” he said. That was when Glenn came downstairs, breaking their routine for the first time in...a long time. Glenn was a researcher, and he didn’t tend to come out of his room that much. At least not in the morning.

“What do you mean, no point?” Glenn asked. “You’ve wanted to do this forever, Felix.” Felix nodded. He had. He’d always wanted to do this. But the reason he wanted to do it was so he could help. So when the time came that he was needed, there were real people who would be saved by his actions.

But this wasn’t that. This was the same drills, day after day after day with no real sense of impending risk. Just impending boredom. “I want to be useful,” he said. And the decision was made.

He handed in his transfer notice the following day; he wanted to join the secret service. They were always looking for operatives but could never find people, and Felix was young. He had a long career ahead of him, and that meant a lot of time to build up expertise.

Training began the next day. It was...not exactly what Felix was expecting. It was assumed from the beginning that he’d see this through, which was something that really hadn’t been the case for his training as a soldier. That had just been about building up for something that might never happen.

No, this was Felix being presented with a false identity on his first day. Being taught natural human ageing processes and appearances and how to mimic them with disguise magic. This was being presented with all the books they could find on human culture, human history.

It was completely different and incredibly, utterly exciting. The opposite of anything Felix had ever done before. And it was wonderful. He found it captivating, really, and the prospect of actually doing something to aid his people in understanding the realms beyond their own was nothing short of intriguing.

He hadn’t felt this way since the start of his training as a soldier. Back then, he was sure he was working towards something bigger. Now, he knew he hadn’t been. He would have lived a perfectly respectable life doing a very respectable and important thing, but it wouldn’t be- it wouldn’t be purposeful.

This was purposeful. This was working out how best to blend in with humans in the event that they had to evacuate their realm. This was collating knowledge on people who, if they discovered their existence, might react in a hostile manner. It was important, and necessary, and Felix felt a rush of joy every time he thought about what was to come.

He was sick of being sheltered and coddled. He was sick of living the same routine day after day, letting himself watch the world go by. And they all did that; it wasn’t just him, all the fae of his realm were content to live in their bubble with their long lives and their magic and know that they were as safe as anyone could be.

In contrast, humans moved fast. They lived like fireflies, shining brightly but never lasting long. The urgency of their existence spurred them to ever greater heights, and while they had long abandoned the use of magic, that didn’t mean they were inferior. They were just different; very different. And that was where the danger came.

And that was where Felix came in.

* * *

Six moons on from his first day at training, Felix was ready to go. He stood in front of the mirror on his final day in his home realm and examined himself. Humans were big on surveillance; just to be safe, he wouldn’t be able to see his true form again for some time. He’d have to always be on watch for a sign of his glamour slipping.

He continued to watch himself as he let the well-practised magic course through his body. The pale grey of his skin morphed into something closer to peach. The bright gold of his eyes settled somewhere closer to brown. He shrank an inch or two, watched his nose and ears round out, and watched as the smattering of blue freckles on his nose faded away.

Felix blinked, and when his eyes opened again, the long, electric blue hair he’d always loved so much was replaced by a shorter, cropped style. Not short by human standards, apparently, but everyone had a quirk. Bright blue lost its shine and was replaced by something much closer to black.

Felix looked at himself in the mirror. It didn’t really look like him, and it was and wasn’t at the same time. It was Felix Hugo Fraldarius, incoming undergraduate student at Garreg Mach University.

He pushed himself away from the mirror and went to gather his things. They were procured by another fae spy out in the human realm, someone he’d probably never meet. The only thing Felix had ever seen before that resembled the clothes he pulled on were the images in the books he’d read. The bags, too, were different. Strange. Humans couldn’t make things larger on the inside, but at least it made everything lighter than it looked.

His father and brother escorted him out to the realm crossing, and when he arrived...Ingrid was there. Felix had obviously mentioned what he was headed off to do, but they hadn’t talked much about it. They hadn’t addressed what it meant.

Felix set his bags down just outside the departure area and let Ingrid come in for a hug. When she leaned back in his arms, she smiled. “You’re so brave,” she said, leaning in for a kiss. It sparked a little, and Felix smiled into it. It felt nice, even if…

He hadn’t thought much about whether he was going to miss her. He hadn’t thought much along those lines for anyone at all; mostly, he was excited to go out into another realm. He was thinking far more about leaving than returning. He didn’t know  _ when _ he’d return. Or if he would, given that he was going out into the potentially dangerous unknown. Not everyone returned from the human realm.

Felix turned away with barely more than a few words of affection. He smiled and waved to his brother, his father. “I’m proud of you,” his father said. Hearing that, at least, calmed a little of the nervousness in his chest. He could do this. He was doing a good thing.

He had a mission: observe the development of the future generation of the human realm. And he was going to be the best damn spy Fódlan had ever seen.

* * *

The human realm was loud. Really loud. Ridiculously loud. Felix didn’t think he’d ever seen so many people in such an uncontrolled format in his life.

There were people all around him. Young humans, old humans, people whose ages he was finding it incredibly difficult to judge. Genders too were just- he couldn’t tell, and the chapter in his textbook on whether gender was important and how to judge it had been too complicated to get his head around.

Felix closed his eyes. The entrance he’d used to cross into the realm was one way only; if he ever went back, he’d probably use the same spot, but until then it was completely closed.

He was standing at the exit to a small alleyway opening out onto a square. That was where all the people were making all that noise. There were cars driving in and out, huge bags on wheels, boxes and frames and chairs. He’d been told that he would arrive on what was known as a ‘move in day’, but he didn’t realise just how much stuff would be moving in.

He leaned against the brick wall next to him and took a few deep breaths. Nearly choked. The air was so thin, and horrendously dirty. It would take a lot of getting used to, but for now- Felix doubled over in a coughing fit as he tried to bring his breathing under control. He’d been warned about the air quality, but he’d never imagined it being that bad.

“Hey there gorgeous, are you okay?” a voice asked. For a moment, Felix didn’t think the person could be talking to him, but he made an effort at straightening up and saw-

Bright brown eyes. Brighter red hair. The man smiled, and there was a dimple in his left cheek. “Are you talking to me?” Felix asked, and the man’s eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“Oh, sorry!” he said, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. A common gesture of embarrassment. “I thought you were a woman.”

“Not quite,” he said. The man chuckled, sounding almost nervous. “Yes, though, to answer your question. I’m fine.” His voice sounded a little hoarse, but his lungs had recovered a bit.

“Good, good,” the man said. “What are you doing over here, though? The registration desk is that way.” He nodded in the direction of the crowd, and Felix grimaced. Why  _ was _ he over here?

“It’s loud over there,” he observed. “I was taking a...breather.”

The man nodded, an understanding smile breaking onto his face. “Makes sense,” he said. “Well, I’m Sylvain. I’m already all signed in, so I can help you with that if you like.”

“I’m Felix,” he said. He was fairly sure that was the right kind of greeting for his scenario, and fortunately he’d landed on the right one; Sylvain’s reaction was immediate.

“You wouldn’t happen to be Felix Hugo Fraldarius?” he asked.

For a moment, something in Felix’s chest froze. How did someone already know his name? Had his cover been blown somehow? Was he in fact in danger? “Yes,” he answered, trying not to sound too wary.

“Hey, hey, don’t sound so nervous!” Sylvian replied with a smile. “I’m your roommate. Didn’t you get the letter with all that information?” He hadn’t, because the address his fake persona lived out was somewhere Felix had never been before.

“It must have got lost in the post,” he said, looking down at the floor. “I don’t exactly live in the most connected place in the world.”

Sylvain looked him up and down and laughed. “I can see that,” he said. Felix looked at his chest, his trousers. Then he looked at Sylvain. They were definitely wearing different types of clothes, so maybe that was why he said that? “Either way, it’s good to meet you, Felix. Let’s get you signed in so you can claim the other key to our rooms.”

Sylvain was...nice. Ridiculously friendly for a member of a species that spent half of its time fighting each other (that was something Felix had never quite managed to fathom - he couldn’t imagine lifting even a finger against a fae of his own realm). He guided Felix through the crowds, helped him fathom out the forms, and then seemed to already know where they were meant to go.

“I checked out the rooms ahead of time,” Sylvain explained, slinging one of Felix’s bags over his back. He’d insisted on taking one even more firmly than Felix had insisted he could carry them by himself - Felix thought it was probably good not to let on that he was stronger than he looked. “They’re pretty nice.”

“That’s good,” Felix said. He didn’t know if it was the weight of the air, the warmth of Sylvain’s smiles, or something else, but he was finding it difficult to know what to say.

Sylvain, fortunately, filled the silence himself. “I’m pretty pumped about it honestly,” he said. “They’re really spacious, especially for the price.” Felix had no real concept of what the money meant in this world, because apparently the value of it was constantly shifting, but he nodded. “As long as you’re a tidy kind of guy, of course.”

“I am,” he promised. He didn’t have all that many personal effects that he’d brought with him anyway, so he was fairly confident that he could keep everything clean.

This was where he was meant to have something else to say. He’d taken extensive classes on building up emotional ties with humans, which was one of the most important parts for understanding them. Here, he was meant to ask Sylvain about himself, or his day, or- “Who are you.” he tried. Inside him, something died. It was  _ how _ are you.

Sylvain, however, just laughed. “Sylvain Jose Gautier at your service,” he said with a flourish. “Don’t worry if it takes you a couple times to remember my name. You’re gonna meet a lot of people over the next few days, I can tell you that for sure.”

They came to a stop outside a door, and Sylvain fished a key out of his pocket. “The lock’s a bit stiff,” he explained, “so if you ever have any trouble just nudge it really hard.” Somehow, Felix didn’t think that a mechanism that could very easily be manipulated by magic would pose much of a problem to him if it got jammed, but he didn’t say so.

“Makes sense,” Felix replied. He felt like his mind was shrivelling up, and he couldn’t tell why. Why was he so tired already? Why did he feel so overwhelmed? He just wanted to curl up and sleep, but he also knew that getting in on making acquaintances early was incredibly important.

“You’re not very chatty, are you?” Sylvain asked with a smile, shouldering his way through one of the doors in the small set of rooms. It was a completely bare, empty bedroom. Sylvain put one of the bags down.

Mentally, Felix shuffled through the traits he was meant to display. Too chatty was bad; it made people feel like they weren’t being listened to. Too quiet was also bad, because it left people to say everything themselves. Then they felt like what they said wasn’t cared about. “I can be,” he tried.

Sylvain looked at him, an expression Felix couldn’t recognise on his face. He’d memorised so many human expressions, but in practise it was- really hard. “No pressure,” he said with a smile. “Not everyone is super chatty. I’ll give you a bit to settle in before I grill you more, okay?”

Felix nodded. He felt like he needed a moment, even if he couldn’t really afford to take it. There was so much time stretching out ahead of him, so maybe a few minutes could be fine. “Thank you,” he said, because he was grateful. Sylvain left him alone, heralding his exit with a small wave, which Felix returned.

Felix leaned back on the bed, surrounded by his bags. He pressed his eyes closed. There was so much information in his head and he’d barely even arrived. He was desperately trying to file away all the interactions he’d had with Sylvain for further analysis, but he couldn’t work out what was important. He felt like the details were slipping away already.

He tried to keep his breathing even as he lay there for a while. The air was stuffy in this room, but not nearly as dirty as the air outside. It was something, at least. He breathed in and out and tried to think about all the things he needed to do in the near future.

The first was getting to know Sylvain. The man was clearly very open, and hadn’t minded Felix’s slip ups. He’d make a good source of information for the time to come. Felix also needed to unpack his things, make some kind of start on the topics he was meant to be studying, and probably eat at some point.

He needed sleep, too, but the thing he’d seen about the first week at university was that people didn’t get very much sleep. So he should probably put that off for a while.

Felix didn’t know how long he’d been lying there when there was a soft knock on his door. His brain scrambled for what that meant, but he managed to call out to Sylvain to come in before it had been too long.

Sylvain smiled at him again as he entered. He was a very smiley person. “I hope you had a good rest,” he said. “I thought you could maybe do with some food, and I know I could, so I made some. Wanna come out to the main room and eat?

Their ‘main room’ was a slightly cramped affair with a handful of kitchen items Felix would need to dredge up his training to use, a low table, and two chairs. On the low table, Sylvain had set out two bowls of food.

“How about we just spend a bit of time getting to know each other?” Sylvain asked, a bright smile still on his face. Felix knew that smiling meant he was definitely happy, so he should probably capitalise on the mood. Understanding someone’s character was important for determining their motivations.

Felix nodded, happy to inhale the meal Sylvain had set out. He’d been told that food in the human realm had a lot of flavour, and this wasn’t an exception; it was very good. “Thanks for this,” he said. Sylvain smiled again.

“No worries, I like cooking,” he replied. “You’re from Faerghus, right?” Felix nodded; his persona was from Faerghus. From the middle of nowhere in Faerghus, from a village with an actual population of about six. “I thought so. I didn’t put that much seasoning in that, but I don’t think they really flavour food up in Faerghus. They didn’t when I lived there.”

“You lived in Faerghus?” Felix asked, trying to summon up some facts about the country. He didn’t know if he could have a conversation about the country with someone who’d actually lived there.

“Yep,” he replied. “For most of my life, actually. I moved down here in the last couple of years for- well, reasons.” Felix nodded, even though that didn’t explain very much. “Why would you want to study here?”

“I wanted to get away from home,” he said. This was an answer he’d practised before. “I live in the middle of nowhere. It’s dry, and the village isn’t...well, it’s not exactly full of opportunities.”

“I get it,” Sylvain replied. “What do you  _ want _ to do with your life, then?”

Felix shrugged. He was pretty sure it was normal to not know. “I don’t really know yet,” he said. “Just...not that.” It was a feeling he could get behind; until a few months ago, he’d been feeling it every day.

Sylvain’s smile was understanding, but Felix still felt nervous. He had this all meticulously practised, but he still wasn’t comfortable with it. He hadn’t been anticipating being in close contact with someone who wanted to know about him. Why  _ did _ Sylvain want to know about him?

For a few moments, Felix’s mind rushed to all kinds of things. Sylvain didn’t trust him. He thought he was strange. He thought there was something inhuman about him. Maybe he knew that Felix was trying to get information out of him, and he was ready to hide as much as he could, or he would report him to an authority-

“Felix?” Sylvain’s voice floated into his awareness, and he jumped. “You seem nervous.”

Felix couldn’t even bring himself to chuckle. “A little,” he said. Sylvain fixed him with a look. “A lot.” It was okay for someone to be nervous in a new situation, right? Sylvain didn’t seem to be nervous, but humans didn’t react to stimuli in the same way. Some humans were good at acting, too.

Felix was learning that he absolutely was not good at acting. “It’s okay to be nervous,” Sylvain said, and his smile took that understanding air to it again. “Striking out on your own can be nerve-wracking. But I’m here, okay?”

Felix nodded, feeling slightly tongue tied. He’d never had problems like this before, but it didn’t seem like he could do anything about it right now. It was something he’d have to work through. “Thanks,” he said. He didn’t know if he was overdoing the thanking thing, but words signalling manners were meant to be important to humans.

“You should probably go to bed,” Sylvain said, picking up both the empty bowls from the table. Felix almost nodded on impulse.

“I wanted to meet people,” he objected, but his voice sounded hollow even to himself. He didn’t actually want to go out and do that right now. He didn’t think he could, even. He was sort of meant to, because it was his job to build connections, but…

“You can meet people as much as you like when you don’t look like you’re about to pass out,” Sylvain said firmly. “I meant what I said earlier; don’t feel the pressure to be social all the time, okay?”

Felix nodded. The thought, even though Sylvain had no idea what his fears really were, was a comforting one. “I think I will turn in,” he decided, and Sylvain smiled again. “Thanks for the food.”

“No problem. Rest well, Felix.”

_ Arrival was more challenging than expected. The air quality of the human realm is dire, and they have no concept of crowd management in such a setting, even though it would have been useful to all. I did, however, make a connection - the individual I will be residing with seems trusting and eager to please. I will use him to make greater headway in future. _

* * *

The beginning was hard. Felix hadn’t anticipated it being so hard. There were so many people, so many names, so many events...he couldn’t do everything, but he tried. 

He went to loud, bright events that went on until the early hours of the morning when his head felt like it was going to split open.  _ (Young humans appear to enjoy loud music and bright lights - they relish in suspending their inhibitions and using this to ‘have fun’. Their personal boundaries are significantly reduced when they engage in such practises.) _

He went to a lunchtime performance between two lectures and sat there in silence, not talking to anyone who was there.  _ (Some humans see fit to engage in more than one skill, and enjoy showing it off to others - many enjoy auditory stimulation and will listen to individuals of varying skills, but ‘clap’ (repeatedly smash their hands together to make a loud noise) to show their appreciation equally regardless of quality.) _

He attempted a sport he’d never played before, and even though they said it was ‘for beginners’ they didn’t explain how to play and weren’t inclined to do so, apparently.  _ (The sport of ‘rugby’ involves tossing around a small ball. I believe there is a set order for this, and the sport itself is ingrained enough in human culture that its rules do not need explaining; perhaps some form of biological impulse?) _

He went to brunches, seminars, and coffee events. They were filled with people, always filled to the brim, and everyone had something to say, something to ask. The world was full of things to do and places to be and people to meet and Felix… Felix was starting to get tired already.  _ (Coffee is a curious human invention. I was aware of its existence as a ‘stimulant’ but did not realise that this was quite what humans understood as stimulating. I would warn others to avoid it if possible.) _

All the while, he tried to make friends. He spoke to a lot of people, smiled in what he thought were the right moments, and attempted to remember lots of names. But it didn’t seem to work. They’d say something and all he could do in response was blink as the words flew over his heads. He’d say something and stare at him like he was from another planet (in a way, he was, but they weren’t meant to be able to tell).

The first few weeks ended, and Felix knew many, many people. But he’d never had more than one or two conversations with anyone except Sylvain. Every interaction felt off, awkward, wrong.  _ He _ felt wrong. He felt all the time like he was trying to keep his head above the water but failing over and over and over. And there was no one to help.

He was also very quickly realising that he was completely out of his depth. His training had not prepared him for any of this; he had no idea what a ‘yeet’ was, or why Sylvain was so keen on calling himself ‘a little bit of a manwhore’. There were so many words he couldn’t understand, concepts and practises that meant nothing to him, and a whole host of things that just made him feel...off.

The people who were in charge of his operations were happy with his progress so far, and said he was sending back very helpful information, but Felix couldn’t help but feel a little lost. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know where to go from here.

It became harder to go out. He managed to do things that maintaining his persona required - he went to his classes, but tried not to speak to too many people. He ate food, though rarely cooked. He avoided all the social events he probably should have gone to. He spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling, trying to work out how to make his report sound impressive.

_ I attended a class today. Humans enjoy conversing before a class, but mostly talk about the same topics of what they did the night before. They mostly do not talk during classes. _

The problem was that if the only thing he did each day was attend classes, he wasn’t observing anything new. But every time he tried to even think about doing something new, his whole body filled with...fear.

He didn’t know why he was afraid, but he was. There was no reason to fear being offered a cup of tea and a biscuit, but he did. He’d never feared anything more in his life. He didn’t understand why he spent hours curled up on his side, unable to move. He didn’t know why tears sprung to his eyes when he heard Sylvain moving around in the main room they were meant to share.

Felix had never felt like this about anything before. At home, he knew himself. He knew every inch of what he wanted and what he was going to do. His feelings were perfectly easy to regulate, even though he’d always been emotional.

It was like something had opened inside him and all the feelings had come pouring out, and Felix felt the tiniest bit like he was dying. He felt so alone.

Except he wasn’t alone. He sat on his bed staring into nothing, and Sylvain came to give him some dinner. He struggled with some prep work for a class, and Sylvain read it through with him. He checked in on Felix and reminded him to shower, and then suggested a time when it would be good to go outside. He stayed with Felix when his thoughts were running too fast to go to sleep.

Felix didn’t understand it. He’d never done anything good for Sylvain. He’d barely even been all that friendly towards him. But Sylvain was there all the time. There were so many things Sylvain could do with his life instead of look after Felix; Felix remembered talking to him about how he liked going on dates with women, going out to parties...he couldn’t do any of that when he was babying him.

But he did it anyway, and Felix didn’t know how to process it. The problem was that it helped, it really did, but it also- Felix wasn’t just struggling a little bit. He felt a little better after he inhaled some heavily spiced noodles, but he still felt tears welling up when he was alone at night. He couldn’t manage to hold it together.

It was only a matter of time before he snapped.

“Hey, Felix, just checking you’re doing okay, you know the drill.” Sylvain entered the room after a quiet knock on Felix’s door, startling him out of the reading he was trying and failing to concentrate on. His ears were ringing.

Felix looked up at Sylvain. He looked at his soft, concerned smile, and the warm look in his brown eyes. And Felix started crying.

“Oh, oh hey, Felix, there’s no need to- what’s going on?” Sylvain sounded concerned, and something in Felix snapped.

“Leave me alone,” he said. Sylvain jerked backwards, the cup of hot chocolate in his hands slopping onto his chest. Felix knew from experience that the hot liquid would hurt, but Sylvain didn’t react with more than a soft curse.

“Okay,” Sylvain said in reply. “Okay, that’s fair. I’m backing away now, Felix. I’ll come back a bit later, okay?”

He closed the door, and Felix cried. He didn’t understand. He was meant to be  _ building  _ relationships. He’d spent hours pouring over books telling him exactly how to interact with humans, but he’d been here for weeks and he felt like he was getting worse at it.

He was meant to be good at this. This was meant to be exciting, and useful, and- he was meant to be helping. Meant to be repaying his people for everything they’d done in raising and protecting him. And he was failing, because he was…

He was a soldier. He’d trained for most of his adult life as a soldier. He’d aspired to it from when he was young, and that was all he’d ever been fit for. And now he’d stepped out of that space he was meant to occupy and he...he couldn’t do it.

He didn’t know how long he spent sitting on that chair at his desk, staring into nothingness, tears streaming down his face. He was at his limit, but he’d barely even begun. He couldn’t do this for a few more  _ days _ , let alone months or years. But he couldn’t admit he’d failed either.

Eventually, Felix pulled himself together enough to drag himself out of his bedroom and wilt onto the sofa. Within moments, Sylvain joined him on the other end of the room, keeping a safe distance. “Feeling better?” Sylvain asked. Felix shook his head. “Fair enough. Want to talk about it?”

Felix couldn’t talk about it, not in the way he wanted to. But he could...disguise it. Just like he disguised and feigned everything. “I want to be more than the sheltered kid I was at home,” he said. His voice was shaking more than he’d like. “I want to- I want to achieve something.”

Sylvain nodded. “You want to be more? I think I can help you with that.”

“How?”

“Felix,” Sylvain said, sitting down on the edge of the sofa. “You’re a shy kind of guy. You’ve never done anything like this before, right?”

Felix summoned up a piece of his formulated history. He felt like he’d reached a close enough relationship with Sylvain to reveal things about the carefully constructed idea of Felix Hugo Fraldarius. “I was homeschooled,” he said.

Sylvain chuckled. “I gathered,” he said. “So yeah, you’re awkward, and you want to make friends. That’s okay! But you’re also working yourself way too hard.” Sylvain didn’t get that he  _ had _ to do this. There was no other option. He couldn’t let up.

Never mind that he already had let up, already had let himself slip. But he couldn’t let it continue. “I haven’t really had many friends before.”

Sylvain hummed and nodded. “Well, you have me now,” he said, and something warm blossomed in Felix’s chest. He didn’t think he was meant to feel this way, but if it worked then it worked. “You need to take it easy, and just build yourself up again, okay? And we can talk a bit each day about how you’re doing.”

Felix bit his lip, a nervous human gesture he’d picked up somewhere along the line, and nodded. “I can try that,” he said. “Thank you, Sylvain. For- for being a good friend.” Sylvain’s smile in return was hopelessly bright.

_ I have further secured a bond with the individual I live with. He seems unfazed by the idea that a person can be incredibly isolated in early life - perhaps there are many individuals like this in the world that other operatives have not encountered before. _

* * *

And Felix tried. He really did try to do what Sylvain suggested. He tried to cut himself some more slack, tried to build himself up. He worked on socialising in spaces he felt more comfortable, or doing things he found particularly interesting.

But none of it helped.

Felix collapsed onto his bed, exhausted. When he’d entered the set of rooms, Sylvain was sitting on the sofa, eagerly awaiting his return, but Felix wasn’t in the mood. He really was a failure. He couldn’t do any of this. For a few minutes, he let himself mope. He would be able to tell his bosses that he’d learnt something today, sure, but he was hitting dead end after dead end. He’d run out of things to fail at eventually.

“Felix?” Sylvain’s voice was soft in the doorway, and Felix looked up. “Wanna talk about it?”

Felix shook his head, and Sylvain came to sit down in the room anyway. Felix scowled; Sylvain knew him too well already, and he was afraid of how that had happened. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. “I can’t do it.”

“Okay,” Sylvain said. How could one human be so understanding? Felix had been sure they were all callous; especially the young men. “What can’t you do?”

“Anything,” Felix said.

“That’s not true,” Sylvain replied firmly. “What  _ can _ you do?”

“I can fuck things up.” Sylvain didn’t reply. He just waited. “I can go to class. I can read, sometimes.”

“I think you’re pretty determined,” Sylvain said. “That’s a good trait for anyone to have. Stubborn, too, which is more mixed, but also good sometimes. And you’re smart, and adaptable.”

Felix grimaced. He felt like all the things he’d come up against were things he  _ couldn’t _ adapt to, and that was why he was struggling so much. “No grimacing,” Sylvain said. “Seriously, Felix. I know tons of people like you, and you’re...trying to be someone you’re not.”

Sylvain didn’t get it. He really didn’t know just how out of his depth Felix was. If he knew, he wouldn’t be nearly so kind. But as it was...well, if Sylvain thought Felix just needed a bit of help, he’d take what was offered. “I don’t think who I am works,” he said.

“That’s okay,” Sylvain said. “We can work with that. You feel out of place, right?” Felix nodded. He felt more out of place than Sylvain could fathom. “Well, I can introduce you more to some places around the city. And then we can build up your familiarity, so you won’t feel so out of place.”

As he spoke, Sylvain left the chair at the desk and came to sit on Felix’s bed. Gently, his hand moved to Felix’s shoulder, and he gave it a squeeze. Felix didn’t recognise the gesture as something that meant anything in particular, but it...helped. He felt himself lean into the touch. “Thanks, Sylvain,” he said.

Felix really did like the way Sylvain looked when he smiled.

_ The individual I reside with says he is aware of many people ‘like me’ - when he says this, he means those who are unintegrated with society at large. I believe such a phenomenon of societal outsiders is worth examining, in an attempt to understand the dislocation present in this city and the countries of this content on a wider scale. _

* * *

The first place Sylvain took him was a bookstore. “I think you like books,” he said with a chuckle, “seeing as your head is always buried in them.”

Felix nodded. He was starting to feel the pressure of all the people around them already, but maybe he could cope with this. “I do,” he said.

“This is my favourite bookstore,” Sylvain said, leading Felix inside. “Just enjoy. And pick something you like - it’s on me.”

_ Today I explored one of the many facets of human commercial culture - the bookstore. Humans create and publish so many books, with so many different topics and perspectives, that you can have whole stores filled to the brim with them. It speaks to an incredibly diverse culture of knowledge. _

“I’ve never been to a cinema before,” Felix said, shuffling on his feet a little. He didn’t really like the sound of sitting in complete darkness and just watching something for a few hours. “I- watched films at home. There wasn’t a cinema particularly close.”

Sylvain chuckled. “Well, you’re in for a treat. Come on, I’ll buy you some popcorn too. I promise you’ll enjoy it.”

Felix did enjoy it. He also enjoyed seeing the way Sylvain spoke about the film when it was over, enthusing about the director and all the different things she’d done before. Honestly, that was even better than the film itself.

_ Something humans do for fun is sit in a dark room for several hours and watch an image projected onto a screen. The image is bright, and loud, and tells a story. They have a whole industry surrounding it, with people making entire careers out of pretending to be others and being filmed doing it. _

“I just think it’ll be a fun break from all your studies!” Sylvain said, practically draping himself over the back of the sofa. Felix stared resolutely at the books in front of him; he needed to study. He had a test soon.

“I don’t need to take a break right now,” he said. And then his stomach growled, betraying him, and he was forced to relent; he needed to eat.

Sylvain took him to a tiny little cafe with huge portion sizes. If he’d thought Sylvain’s cooking was good, this was something else. The owner was a huge man Felix would have initially pinned as intimidating, but he smiled at Sylvain like an old friend and the look on his face was so warm. His food was fantastic.

But even more than the food, even more than getting a break from the studies that he felt were eating his brain, Felix was happy with…

The sun shone through the cafe window and hit Sylvain’s face. He looked like he had a halo. Once or twice, his feet nudged Felix’s under the table, and they went back and forth kicking each other gently until Sylvain nearly fell off his chair. And then he’d thrown back his head in laughter, and Felix found his breath snatched away from him and-

Oh no. Oh no.

_ Humans have a curious propensity towards small, independent businesses. There is no way that all of these things are in any way profitable, but people enjoy and participate in them anyway. It feels aimless, directionless, but it seems to make them happy. _

* * *

“Sylvain, can I talk to you about something?” Sylvain sat at the other end of the sofa, his feet propped up in Felix’s lap. Felix didn’t mind, and that...that was a problem.

Sylvain looked up from his book with a smile. Felix’s heart fluttered a little. “Sure, Felix. What’s the problem?”

“I have a girlfriend,” Felix said, looking pointedly away from Sylvain. “But I’m…”

Sylvain didn’t say anything for a while, and when Felix looked up, his expression had softened. “Tell me a bit about her,” he said.

Felix frowned. He supposed he could try that. “She’s nice,” he said. “Her name is Ingrid. We’ve been dating for a couple of years now.” He stopped short; he didn’t know what else to say.

“Do you like her?” Sylvain asked.

“I just said she was nice,” he said with a frown. Why was this so difficult to fathom out? Why did he feel so strange about the whole thing?

Sylvain shook his head. “No, I meant, do you  _ like  _ her? Why do you date her?”

“...she asked me to,” Felix said. Because she did. She asked him when they were both sixteen and people around them were dating. And he said yes, because he… “I would have felt bad saying no.” He was meant to date her, because- because.

“Felix,” Sylvain said, his voice low and very serious. “Do you like women at all?”

Felix’s brain stuttered for a moment. Why wouldn’t he like women? But then he thought about it. He thought about all the days he’d spent with Ingrid, and the way he felt awkward with his hand in hers. He thought about all the boys at school he’d constantly felt so stupid around because he just wanted to  _ impress _ them.

He thought about Sylvain, with his stupid warm smile and welcoming eyes and beautiful hair. Sylvain, who was kind and considerate and- “I don’t think so,” he murmured. Oh fates, he was a terrible person.

Sylvain’s face softened even further. “That’s okay,” he said.

“It’s  _ not _ okay,” Felix said. His mind was racing. How did he even go about telling Ingrid he didn’t like her, after so long of telling her he loved her in return? “I have- she’s- she’s waiting for me back at home. Everyone knows that we’re going to-”

One day, they were going to be married, the two of them. Because that was how things worked; people knew each other, and then they got into a relationship, and then they stayed together, and then they got married. Everyone did it, pretty much. And it worked for everyone. Most of the fae Felix knew at home were in long term relationships.

“It’s okay,” Sylvain repeated, his voice low and soothing. He’d shuffled closer, and now he moved to put an arm around him. “I know it doesn’t seem like it. But you’re away from that expectation now, okay? It doesn’t have to be like that.”

_ My main findings of today were that humans have a particularly lax attitude towards sexuality. I have previously noted the odd transience of relationships for humans; they rarely commit for life. However, they also find it fairly regular to rediscover their preferences after many years assuming they preferred something else. _

* * *

As Felix’s confidence built, he learned more and more new things about humanity. Every day he had so many things to send back to his bosses, and they were pleased with all the varied information he sent back to them.

But he felt like he was learning even more about himself. He’d never been so aware of things he liked (spices) or things he disliked (large gatherings). He’d never realised just how emotional he could be when things weren’t exactly what he expected. He’d learned to hope for things he had no right to hope for, and fear things that probably didn’t matter.

It was wonderful, captivating, and...he liked it. So when his first opportunity to take leave (a reward for his hard work and detailed reports) arose, he decided not to take it.

“I’m not going home for the holidays,” he announced one morning, and Sylvain looked up from his cereal with an expression of surprise on his face. They’d taken to doing things at the same time, and Felix wasn’t going to call attention to it. He liked spending time with Sylvain. He liked it more than he should.

“Aw damn, did something happen?” Sylvain asked. 

Felix’s mind drew a blank for a moment. “...Money,” he lied. Money was not an issue. He’d never mentioned money as an issue before to Sylvain.

“Okay,” Sylvain said. “It’s okay if there are other reasons, you know.” He knew, then. “I’m not going home because I have a...really bad relationship with some of my family. You do  _ not _ want to know the kinds of things they said to me last time I was there for the holidays.”

Sylvain was staying. Felix was staying. And they no longer had classes, or places to be, or specific things to do. In fact, it was much warmer to just stay inside.

And that meant Felix had to confront the fact that he had feelings for Sylvain. Being close to Sylvain made him feel warm inside. Happy. He enjoyed spending time with Sylvain in a way he’d never felt with anyone else before.

Against all the odds, Sylvain seemed to feel the same way. Felix had no social skills (though he was getting a little better at that), was a complete disaster of an individual, and Sylvain...Sylvain liked spending time with him.

This was a problem. Not because Felix didn’t think Sylvain should enjoy spending time with him, because he  _ wanted  _ to spend every hour with Sylvain and talk to him into the late hours of the night and hold his hand when-

That was the problem. Felix had a girlfriend. Sylvain was human. Felix was spying on him and mining him for information to send to a home Sylvain didn’t even know existed. He was using him, and he was going to keep using him, and…

Felix was meant to be building as many relationships as he could. Sylvain trusted him and cared about him. Felix was playing a role, he knew that, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t  _ enjoy _ the role he was playing. Especially if said role would benefit the role he was taking.

“I broke up with my girlfriend,” he announced, when they were about halfway through the holiday. Felix had not broken up with his girlfriend; sure, he hadn’t spoken to Ingrid in a while, but that wasn’t the point. This was fake.

Sylvain looked at him. There was a look on his face Felix couldn’t decipher. Concern, perhaps...something with a hint of happiness? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t know if he wanted to know exactly what it was.

He was odd for a few days after that. Sylvain would avoid his gaze, and Felix worried that he’d done the wrong thing. Their conversation had told him that Sylvain thought he shouldn’t keep up a relationship just based on expectation, but now the relationship was ‘over’ he wasn’t pleased.

But the moment passed, and things were- they got closer. Sylvain bought him gifts for the holiday, and they spent the evening curled up and watching films together on the sofa that was plenty big enough for them to sit apart. In the following days, Felix caught Sylvain glancing at him when there was no reason for either of them to look.

A few times, Sylvain caught Felix doing the same thing.

Felix wanted to tell himself that this was all an act. That he was just doing this to get more information out of Sylvain. But he knew that wasn’t the case. He felt for Sylvain. He felt  _ strongly _ for Sylvain, and he was just reacting in the way that felt right.

_ Human courting rituals are odd. I have observed that individuals often try to deny their feelings and dodge around each other frequently. Both feel for each other, yet they never speak. It seems odd, when they could have happiness over anticipation. _

* * *

“Hey Felix,” Sylvain said, as spring came. Sylvain was standing in their doorway, half hanging into the room. “Close your eyes?”

Felix groaned, but did so. He heard Sylvain take several steps closer, and just about fought back the urge to open his eyes. “What are you doing?” he complained.

“You can open them,” Sylvain said, much closer now. Felix opened them, and saw- flowers.

He knew this one. Humans presented flowers to each other as a means to express their affection. And that meant… Felix offered Sylvain a small smile and accepted the flowers, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. “They’re nice,” he said. They smelt good, and they were very simple; exactly the kind of thing Felix could actually stand.

“So, will you…” Sylvain rubbed the back of his neck briefly. “Goddess, I’m not good at this when I actually care. Will you be my boyfriend?”

_ Humans have a curious tradition called St Valentine's Day, in which they present those they care for with gifts to show their romantic affection. This is not a holiday which all celebrate, but many choose to as an excuse (or occasionally due to an expectation) to show love for another. _

* * *

As Felix spent more and more time with Sylvain (his  _ boyfriend _ , a thought that made him glow a little every time it came to mind), he found himself enjoying the human realm even more. They went on dates together, did normal “couple shit”, as Sylvain called it.

Felix tended to tell himself that he liked it and was grateful for the opportunity because it taught him a lot about aspects of human culture he’d be otherwise unable to experience. But the rest of himself enjoyed going out with Sylvain, adored receiving gifts from him.

Sylvain made him feel like a much happier person. In the time before Sylvain had really helped him, he’d been utterly miserable and out of his depth. But the more Sylvain encouraged him, the more comfortable he felt, and the more he could strike out on his own.

Time went by, and Felix felt far less like he was pretending to be human. He was pretending, of course he was, but at the same time, he- everything started coming a lot more naturally. He could hold conversations without falling back on ‘what do humans think about this’ all the time. His friends felt like real friends, and his relationship with Sylvain felt so, so real.

And that was where one of the problems was. Thinking about how real his relationship with Sylvain was sort of scared him, because he  _ had _ a girlfriend back home. Ingrid hadn’t seen him and he hadn’t seen Ingrid in weeks, months, years. They barely spoke, and Felix hoped she was moving on from a fae who probably wouldn’t return for a long, long time.

Strictly, he knew he should break up with her. He should tell her that he didn’t think there was a future for the two of them. But if he did that, then people might suspect that he was thinking about a future elsewhere.

He never said in his reports that he was in a relationship with a human, or that the person he was pretending to be was either. He always spoke about relationship customs as if he was watching other humans partake in them, and he was happy for it to remain that way.

Felix knew why it worried him so much; he liked Sylvain. Loved Sylvain, even, because he’d said it enough times of his own free will to accept that he couldn’t keep lying to himself about this. He loved Sylvain, and if the reports he sent back weren’t satisfactory, they might ask him to return.

He didn’t want to leave Sylvain. If there was anything he knew he wanted to keep about this life away from the fae realm, it was the thing that was between the two of them.

_ I’ve heard from some humans a cultural aspiration known as the “soulmate”. This is the view that there is something written within the individual that pairs them with another. There is no particular evidence that this is the case, but many humans refer to individuals they wish to spend their lives with as soulmates to signify the strength of their bond. _

* * *

When they finished their respective degrees, there was really no question as to what came next. Felix was so used to living alongside Sylvain that he couldn’t imagine going without him in the human realm. He probably  _ could _ , with all he now knew about human culture, but...he didn’t want to. And there was no reason to.

So when they were done, they moved in together. They rented a space that they could sort of call their own, a little more than the one they had before, and filled it with the things that marked the time they’d spent together.

There were the little trinkets Sylvain bought when they were first dating, the sword from when Sylvain bullied him into trying out a sport (which Felix hated, because it involved fighting in groups, but he liked the sword), a whole bookshelf full of books.

There were dried, pressed flowers from all the bouquets they bought each other. Sheets they’d bought as a joke because they were colourful, eight potted plants, and a couple of balls of yarn.

_ It is curious to note the way that humans are natural hoarders of items they do not even use. They attach sentimentality to even the tiniest of things, and then they keep those things for as long as they can. I cannot find a reason for this love for trinkets. _

* * *

Felix knew the steps of a relationship in the fae realm, and there were many aspects of it that held true in the human realm as well. When he and Sylvain had been together for years, frequently professed their love for each other, and had lived together for even longer…

Next came marriage. So when Sylvain got down on one knee as they walked in the park together, Felix told himself that it was only reasonable to say yes. It was all a logical part of the act.

The fact that he loved Sylvain with all his heart was another matter. Because he did. He cared for Sylvain far more than any report he had to write, or any information he could obtain about human practises. His love for Sylvain went far deeper than convenience.

He meant every word he spoke when he told Sylvain on their wedding day that he would be by Sylvain’s side through anything that may come to pass. The strength of his feelings scared him a little; he knew that he felt them, of course he did. 

But it was one thing to know it in the quiet moments between sleeping and waking, and it was another to profess it to the world. It was another to say it and mean it and tell Sylvain all about it. To promise it.

He’d gone too far to back out now. He could never do anything but love Sylvain, and yet...he was still a liar. There was no way he could think of to explain to Sylvain that actually, he was just using him. That the love between them was an act that had gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Though, lying in Sylvain’s arms on the night of their wedding with their fingers intertwined and their foreheads pressed together, it felt more like something that had gone right.

* * *

_ Dear Operative, _ the message read. Felix didn’t often get communication from his bosses these days, other than the confirmation that they’d received his reports.  _ We write to inform you of a new mission, in light of your considerable success in carving out a position in society in the human realm. There is an individual operating in your area who needs to be investigated. _

_ We believe he is working in intelligence of some form, seeking out fae and attempting to harm them. He may also be extracting information from them, stealing our secrets, though his motives in this are unknown. Please see attached the picture of this individual; please find him as soon as you can and work out what his aims are. _

Felix opened the image attached to the message, and for a moment he was certain his heart stopped.

Sylvain.

Everything came crashing down around him. Sylvain. Sylvain was a fae operative. Sylvain was working in counterintelligence. Sylvain was seeking out and harming other fae. How long had this been going on?

Felix felt, for a few days, as if everything had been swept out from under him. He didn’t understand. Sylvain was- he loved Sylvain. He’d married Sylvain. He- he wanted to stay with Sylvain for as long as he could. But if everything was a lie…

Who was he kidding? It had always been a lie. Felix had always been lying to Sylvain. He’d just been too foolish to realise that Sylvain was lying to him at the same time.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to fix the mistake he had made. How did he corner Sylvain? Did Sylvain know the truth about  _ him _ ? What would he do, if Felix turned him in? Did he want to turn him in?

And when Felix didn’t know what to do, the easiest thing was to do nothing. His bosses didn’t know that he already knew Sylvain (intimately, his mind supplied. Very intimately), so he didn’t need to be able to find him immediately. He just needed to-

For a few days, he pretended that nothing was wrong. Why would he do anything else? The worst thing to do would be to alert Sylvain to the fact that he knew something was off.

Instead, he tried to test Sylvain, see if he could confirm independently that the mission he’d received was based in fact. He looked through the dried flowers Sylvain had bought for him, confirmed something, and then went out to buy some primroses.

It didn’t work. “Oops,” Sylvain said. Felix looked up from his work to see a smashed pot of primroses on the ground, and Sylvain looking awfully apologetic. “Sorry about that, Felix.”

Next, he took the salt from their kitchen and ‘accidentally’ let ‘the cat from over the road’ knock it over, spilling it all over the threshold. Not two minutes into Felix cooking the rest of their meal, Sylvain showed up with a vacuum cleaner to clean it all up.

The only thing Felix stopped short of was iron. Whatever he thought about Sylvain, he would not risk harming him that way. He couldn’t bear the thought of it. So he was stuck with the other methods, and those methods just didn’t work.

No matter what he did, Sylvain seemed to be able to avoid it. See it coming without even knowing what was coming. Unless he  _ did _ know.

“Hey, Felix,” Sylvain said. The easy smile on his face that he  _ always had _ when he looked at Felix, the smile that was always so warm and happy, was gone. Felix knew he would miss it, but it hurt so much. “I think we have some stuff to talk about.”

Felix bit his lip, a human habit he’d stopped bothering at attempting to shake. “I think we do.” They went to the kitchen table, the one they went out to buy together, the one they ate at almost every night, and sat down. Felix sat on one side. Sylvain sat on the other. Neither of them sat in their usual seats.

“I’m going to let you into the secret,” Sylvain said, tucking his hair behind his ears. When he removed his hand, the ear was pointed. He ran his fingers across the bridge of his nose, and the pale purple skin of his true form showed underneath. “I’m fae. You’re fae.”

“Why did you-”

“Can you let me speak? Just this once.” Sylvain’s face was full of...pain. It was definitely pain. “You can say whatever you like when I’m done, just please let me explain.” He hesitated, and Felix nodded. “Thank you. I...I was born in the same realm you were. Grew up there. I  _ always _ wanted to be a spy. Remember what I told you all those years ago about wanting to get away from my family? Yeah.

“But when I came to the human world, I...discovered that I really liked it. It was more than just a love for the freedom from my family. It was also- well, you know. The human world moves so fast and has so many incredible things within it. I wanted that for myself.

“So one day, I just stopped sending reports back home. I decided I was my own person, not connected to a world full of- rules, and regulation, and knowing from the start to the end of your life exactly what you’re going to do, the emotions you’re allowed to feel. You know, the works. It touches your life far more than it does mine.

“I wasn’t alone, either. I discovered that other people, other fae, had done this too. You know my friend Dimitri?” Felix nodded. He never would have guessed. Fates, he was a fool. An absolute idiot. “There’s a whole group of them keeping tabs on others who’ve been sent through to spy on this world, learn its secrets. So we send people after them, hoping we can get them to stay too.”

Sylvain stopped there, and Felix filled in the rest of it; the part he didn’t say. “And I’m just one of those people,” he said. There was something fragile in his voice, something he didn’t like. He didn’t want to be so hurt by this. “You’ve done this to several other people. Lured them away from their homes and their people with your- your smile, and your eyes, and-”

Sylvain’s stupid, stupid beautiful eyes widened. “Not like that,” he said firmly. “The beginning, yes. Supporting people through a culture shock. Encouraging them to find themselves. But Felix, you’re...you’re special.” Sylvain’s hands reached across the table, snatching up Felix’s. He rubbed his thumb over the wedding ring on Felix’s finger.

“You’re on thin ice, Gautier-Fraldarius,” he said. There wasn’t the bite to his words that he wanted. No, he  _ wanted _ Sylvain to persuade him of this. He wanted to be special.

“Normally, I wouldn’t draw it out for the long haul,” Sylvain explained. “We give fae a year or so to sort themselves out, and then tell them the truth. From there, we give them an ultimatum: stay or go. Stay in the human realm and admit you love it, or go home to the fae realm and never return.”

“But you never told me.”

“I never told you,” Sylvain echoed. “I...should have, Felix. And for that, I’m sorry, but I- if I’d asked you, and you said no, I would have lost you. I love you too much to lose you, so I kept it from you. I’m sorry.”

Felix knew that he would be completely fair to be angry at Sylvain. Sylvain had lied to him for years. But Felix- Felix had lied to him too, and Sylvain hadn’t mentioned a word of that now. He’d known, for years, that Felix was acting it all out, and-

“I love you, Felix,” Sylvain swore. “And I get it if you were just acting. If you were just using me for your own ends. If you were, then by the fates, just put me out of my misery and go. But I want to believe that maybe…”

“Sylvain,” Felix said firmly. Sylvain’s eyes, tears close to spilling over, lifted to his, and Felix held his gaze. “I love you. I was too scared to tell you the truth for...the same reason.”

Sylvain chuckled, and the tears spilled over as he smiled. “I figured,” he said. “We’re both idiots and we both lied to each other. I’m sorry for that.”

“I’m just as much to blame,” Felix said. Then he laughed, just a little. “I’m also a shit spy.”

Sylvain laughed along with him, now crying in earnest. When Felix felt something damp slide down his cheek, he realised he was doing the same. “You really are, hon. But will you...will you quit? Will you stay, with everything I concealed from you?”

Honestly, it wasn’t even a question. Felix already knew the answer, and he hoped Sylvain did too. “I stay,” he said, his voice firm, unwavering. “Remember, I made a promise at our wedding.”

“We stay together until we die together,” Sylvain said, his voice soft again. Felix smiled and nodded, and leaned across the dining room table to capture Sylvain’s lips in a kiss. He felt lighter than he had in years.

_ Sylvain Jose Gautier is my husband, you controlling bastards. Leave us alone. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, a comment is super appreciated. I also have a twitter @samariumwriting where I talk about fic stuff a fair bit!
> 
> The themes, and how they tie in:  
> Exploration - Felix exploring a new world and himself  
> Secret - probably the most blatant theme, they're both keeping secrets from each other  
> Ambition - Felix wanting much more for himself  
> Devotion - Sylvain and Felix's devotion for each other  
> Gossip - this is meant to be conveyed through the report sections that Felix sends back to the fae realm


End file.
